People Who’d Be Better at Protecting Obama than the Secret Service

better at protecting obama

Because it’s time we started interviewing people for the job.

By Diana Ozemebhoya Eromosele

1. Brother Mouzone from The Wire

It’s not just about muscle and brawn. Lest we forget, Brother Mouzone was the crafty mastermind that Avon Barksdale called upon to bring a certain type of prestige back to the Barksdale drug operation. He’s also the guy who beat Stringer Bell at his own game of deceit and manipulation.

Brother Mouzone has the psychological savvy of a seasoned CIA analyst. He anticipates foul play before it happens and is the living embodiment of how security is more like chess, than checkers. Brother Mouzone would have tapped Omar J. Gonzalez on the shoulder—right before he tried to scale that White House fence—and advised him to think again.

2. Debo from Friday

Debo was not letting an armed ex-convict get into an elevator with the leader of the free world. Remember what the South Central bully did to poor Red when he asked for his mountain bike back. Debo has a way about him that encourages people to do exactly as he says.  

I suspect the CDC contractor would have seen Debo shadowing President Obama, about-faced and walked the other way.

3. Ol’ Otis from Martin

When the sniper rolled down his window to position his rifle towards the White House back in 2011, Otis would have snatched the gunman by the collar, dragged him out of the car and stuck his coke-bottle glasses all up in the guy’s face during the verbal lashing.

4. Dragonfly Jones from Martin

So maybe his martial arts needed work, but Dragonfly Jones has passion and drive. He would have taken down anybody looking to harm Obama, purely by accident.

5. Edward Meechum from House of Cards

Frank and Clarie Underwood’s ride-hand man. He’s wide-eyed–which means he wants so badly to do a good job–and he can keep secrets. He’ll do whatever it takes to keep his job alongside the Obama’s. 

6. The Hound from Game of Thrones

As feisty as Arya Stark can be, the Hound managed to trot her behind up and down Westeros, first getting her to the same location as her mother and brother even though that didn’t pan out well (remember the Red Wedding), and then getting her to her delusional aunty (but that didn’t quite pan out either). Playing babysitter to a mouthy, but brilliant, 9-year-old is no easy feat, especially since he had to fend off a boatload of eager people looking to capture the young Stark. He’s dead now, but the Hound would have been great for the job. 

Like Lectures to Beats on Facebook. Follow L2B on Twitter.