New Rules: Hillary, Cut It Out; Ebola for Guantanamo; and More Perks for Black Women at Work

3. New Rule: Enough with all that damn variety in dog food.

dog food

Contrary to popular belief, dogs don’t have that many taste buds as humans, in fact, they have approximately 80 percent less. That means they can hardly taste the difference between 80 percent of all that dog food taking up shelf space in Aisle 6.

So enough with all of those commercials peddling Puppy Chow and Purina. Stop pitching your newly invented dog food on Shark Tank. Don’t tell me how you spent two hours creating a gluten-free, dairy-free brownie that’s super healthy, tasty and edible for both me and your Pomeranian named Daisy. I don’t care if it’s finger-licking good and she makes a dash to the kitchen everytime you pour some in her bowl.

The doctors over at the American Medical Center in New York tell me that that bitch can’t tell the difference no way.

4. Hillary Clinton needs to get out of her own way.

Hillary Clinton and President Barack Obama

Hillary Clinton and President Barack Obama

But something tells me that she hasn’t learned her lessons from 2008.

On CNN recently, she seemed to take a swing at President Barack Obama, saying that she doesn’t think the U.S. has done a very good job at streamlining our foreign policy agenda so that other nations have a solid understanding of “who we are and what we stand for.” In the middle of that swipe, she even hat-tipped—wait for it—Bush 43. She’s impressed by how well sub-Saharan Africans took to America after the success of his anti-AIDS initiatives and implied that the U.S. ought to be doing more projects like that. In an interview with the Atlantic, Clinton took a shot at Obama’s “don’t do stupid stuff” foreign-policy doctrine. She obviously didn’t get his sarcasm and said she thinks that his guideline is not meaty enough for other nations to follow.

And when you think about it, it’s sort of a self-incriminating slight, right? After all, she served under Obama as his Secretary of State—the very position that is in charge of engaging with other nations and monitoring how America is perceived worldwide.

But I get it. She’s probably distancing herself from Obama because he’s not the most popular guy right now on the foreign policy front. She could also be trying to rebrand herself as the new and revamped ambassador for the Democratic Party—seeing as Americans have had it up to here with both her party and the Republicans.

But the jab still came off a tad foul—and, well, elitist. It reminds me of how Clintons—Hillary and Bill—sometimes seem to act as if they could be doing a better job in the White House than the man who’s currently up at bat.

Remember how flabbergasted and disgusted the Clintons were during the 2008 Democratic presidential primaries, as they watched a then-Senator Barack Obama muscle his way up to the front of the line, and essentially skip over Hillary? Bill described Obama’s campaign as “the biggest fairytale” he had ever seen. And she acted like she didn’t understand basic arithmetic, refusing to accept the fact that Obama had simply won more delegates than her. Clinton took her sweet time announcing her resignation from the race—long after it was settled—and even when she did, she was sort of smug about the whole thing.

All this reminiscing isn’t helping Hillary. One trip down memory lane will have you giving her serious side-eye. She, however, must never forget that Obama took down the Clinton machine because he was smart, charismatic and, more importantly, never acted as if he were entitled to the presidency. He presented his ideas as alternatives to the status quo and, generally speaking, respected his peers.

Clinton’s recent phone call to Obama—to walk back this perception that she’s coming for his neck—was a nice gesture, but the deed has already been done. She should tread lightly if she wants to be referred to as Madam President come 2016.

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